Where's the beef?

I'm not that big of a fan of fast food.

Usually, I just brown bag my breakfast/lunch/dinner to eat at my desk as I read, edit, design pages and listen to people complain.

However, when hunger strikes, because of the hours I work (basically all hours) and because I usually want to save some money, I'll grab something on the go.

My needs are simple: Two hamburgers, two cheeseburgers. Doesn't matter if it's from McDonald's, Burger King or Wendy's.

Not great, but what's even worse is fast food not prepared correctly.

The Hamburglar strikes

It was Saturday. I was doing my usual routine: Scanning the wire for any news, sizing up the page dummies and breaking down the News' Sports section for Sunday.

It's a routine that usually takes me 45 minutes. About the time for me to scarf down some burgers.

Before work, I stopped and picked up my two hamburgers and two cheeseburgers from the McDonald's on Washtenaw and Huron Parkway. Set me back $4.13.

I get in, start my routine and scarf down my burgers (I eat them in this order. Hamburger, Cheeseburger, Hamburger, Cheeseburger. Weird? No. Obsessive-compulsive? Of course).

I get to my last cheeseburger, and lo and behold, it's anything but.

No heat.

Worse, no meat.

The worst job in the world

I'm pissed, of course, and my first reaction is to call and bitch. Then, I recall working fast food.

I worked at a McDonald's from my sophomore year of high school to my freshman year of college. I hated it. Hated it. HATED it. There isn't an occupation more hazardous to your physical or mental health. For all you dorky teenagers out there, find something else before it's too late...

The smell of french fries is awesome, but do you want to smell like one? I didn't think so.

So, I kept my fast food experience in mind as I voiced my complaint. The manager, who identified himself as Kevin, calmly took my name, assured me of one cheeseburger the next time I visited and apologized for the inconvenience.

Tuesday, I got my free cheeseburger, which I ate in four bites.

Worth every Penny Nickelbuck (a select few will get this reference, unless you're clever).